From 5 to 25: How Social Media Shapes Who You Become

We’ve all heard the saying: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This classic wisdom from motivational speaker Jim Rohn emphasizes how our close friends and colleagues shape our thinking and decisions (Jim Rohn: You're the Average of the Five People You Spend the Most Time With - Business Insider). But take a moment to consider a modern twist: in today’s hyper-connected world, you might spend more time scrolling your social media feed than chatting face-to-face. If so, could it be that “You are influenced by the 25 people you see the most in your social media feed”?

It’s a compelling idea. Every day, the posts, tweets, and stories we consume are effectively conversations we have with our digital circle. We laugh at a mentor’s joke on LinkedIn, nod along to a thought leader’s advice on X, or feel inspired by an entrepreneur’s Instagram post. Over time, those daily doses of content add up. In my own life, I’ve noticed that starting the morning reading insightful posts from people I admire can shift my mindset for the entire day – much like a pep talk from a good friend. This article explores how social media influences our mindset, behavior, and habits, comparing the traditional notion of five key people shaping us to the reality that our digital inner circle might be much larger. We’ll dive into the science of social media’s psychological impact and, importantly, discuss how to curate your feed for positive growth.

The Digital Expansion of Our Inner Circle

Think about the people who influenced you this week. Perhaps a coworker or family member comes to mind. Now think about who else had your ear (or eyes) every day – likely the bloggers, influencers, and connections popping up on your phone. The truth is, influence is no longer limited by physical proximity. While Jim Rohn’s five-person rule referred to your immediate circle, today you might interact more with dozens of voices online. You might wake up scrolling through 20 LinkedIn posts, watch a few TikToks at lunch, then unwind reading Twitter threads. Those are hours spent “with” people in your feed.

We are social creatures, wired to be shaped by our environment and peers. Traditionally, that meant the people in our hometown or office. Now, your environment includes the digital communities you’re part of. As Business Insider once noted, we are greatly influenced by those closest to us – our thinking, self-esteem, and decisions are affected by our circle. Today, “those closest” might include a motivational YouTuber you’ve never met or a former classmate whose Facebook updates you never miss. In effect, your social media feed is an extension of your inner circle. Instead of five people in a room, it could be 25 (or 100) people on a screen.

This isn’t just a catchy idea; it aligns with how our brains and behavior work. If you surround yourself (physically or virtually) with negativity, it’s hard to stay positive. Conversely, if your inputs are ambitious, creative, and optimistic voices, you’re more likely to adopt those attitudes. Who you “hang out with” online matters.

To illustrate, imagine two friends: Alex and Taylor. Alex’s top 25 social media contacts are entrepreneurs, wellness coaches, and supportive colleagues posting about growth and solutions. Taylor’s feed, on the other hand, is full of outrage, gossip, and doom-and-gloom news. Over time, Alex feels motivated to set goals and try new healthy habits picked up from those posts, while Taylor finds their mood souring and their outlook more cynical after each doomscrolling session. The contrast is obvious – digital influences can impact us in ways similar to real-life interactions. In some cases, the impact is even greater, because we consume so much content so frequently.

The Science of Social Media’s Influence on Mindset and Behavior

So what does research say about how social media affects our minds? Psychologists and neuroscientists have been digging into this question, and the findings back up the idea that what we see online can seriously sway us. Here are a few key insights:

• It Rewires Our Brain (For Better or Worse): Studies show that using social platforms actually engages the brain’s reward circuitry and can even shape our decision-making processes (Social Media's Impact on Mental Health & Brain Function). Every notification, like, or compelling post gives a tiny dopamine hit, training our brain to want more. If we constantly consume a certain type of content, we reinforce those thought patterns. For example, if you’re always watching videos about investing, you’ll start to think about money choices differently; if you’re always seeing posts about kindness and gratitude, those values strengthen in your mind. On the flip side, endless exposure to rage-filled rants can condition you to be on edge or pessimistic. Social media essentially acts as a repetition machine for whatever it shows you, and repetition is how habits of thought are formed.
• Echo Chambers and Confirmation Bias: One term you might have heard is “echo chamber.” This is when we surround ourselves (often unintentionally) with voices that echo our own beliefs. Social media algorithms tend to feed us content similar to what we’ve liked or interacted with before. The result? A personalized bubble of information. Research has found that these algorithm-driven filter bubbles reinforce our existing opinions – our brains actually get a reward (a dopamine rush) from hearing information that confirms what we already think (Powerful Insights: How Echo Chambers Affect The Brain). While it feels nice to have our views validated, there’s a danger: we might rarely see alternative perspectives. Over time, an echo chamber can narrow our mindset and polarize our beliefs without us even realizing it. For instance, if you only follow people who agree with a certain viewpoint, you’ll see that view amplified daily and assume “everyone” thinks that way. This can shape your actions – from how you vote to how you behave toward others – because your feed created a distorted norm. The good news is that awareness of this effect can help us break out and deliberately seek a more balanced mix of content.
• Emotional Contagion is Real: Social media doesn’t just influence what we think, but also how we feel. Ever notice how seeing a friend’s cheerful post can lift your mood, or how reading a string of complaints can bring you down? That’s emotional contagion at work. In fact, a famous experiment by Facebook and Cornell researchers showed that when positive posts were reduced in some users’ feeds, those people began using more negative words and expressing more negative emotions – and when negative content was reduced, people’s own posts became more positive (News feed: 'Emotional contagion' sweeps Facebook | Cornell Chronicle). In short, moods spread online. Large surveys by Pew Research back this up: 71% of social media users say they regularly encounter content that makes them feel connected, and 69% encounter content that makes them feel inspired – but nearly half also say social media sometimes leaves them feeling depressed (Attitudes toward algorithms used on social media | Pew Research Center). Our feeds are a mix of uplifting stories and distressing news, and they can send us on an emotional rollercoaster. The key takeaway? The predominant tone of what you consume will influence your emotional state. Surround yourself with uplifting, constructive content, and you’re more likely to feel upbeat and optimistic. Drown in negativity, and it can drag your mood down without you even noticing why.
• Social Support and Positive Communities: Not everything about social media’s influence is a warning story. There are plenty of positives, especially when you curate the right community. Studies have found that people often turn to social networks for support in times of stress – sometimes even before turning to family or professionals – because they find communities of peers who understand their situation (Can Social Media and Online Communities Be Good for Us? | Psychology Today). Think of online forums for entrepreneurs supporting each other, Facebook groups where new parents swap advice and encouragement, or even Twitter communities that share study tips for professional exams. When you join a positive online community, it can boost your sense of belonging and empowerment. Research on virtual health communities (for weight loss, managing diabetes, etc.) shows participation is linked to higher social support and a feeling of empowerment to achieve health goals (Can Social Media and Online Communities Be Good for Us? | Psychology Today). One study in China found that people who frequently used a social app (WeChat) to learn about health actually had better health habits and outcomes than those who didn’t – simply because consuming health-related content gave them knowledge and motivation to improve their behaviors ( Effects of New Media Use on Health Behaviors: A Case Study in China - PMC ). These examples highlight a crucial point: social media can expand your horizons, expose you to beneficial knowledge, and connect you with people who lift you up. It’s all about which voices you allow into your life.

In essence, the science is clear that our digital diet feeds our mindset. Just as hanging around inspirational friends can motivate and enrich you, spending time (even virtually) with inspiring or insightful people online can do the same. And just as being stuck in a toxic crowd can drag you down, an unchecked social feed full of toxicity can harm your outlook. The difference today is that you have the power to curate much of this input. Unlike choosing your family or coworkers, you can choose who to follow, mute, or engage with on social platforms. This is where the opportunity lies to reshape your “25 people” for the better.

From Five Influencers to Twenty-Five: Quality Over Proximity

The expansion from five in-person influences to dozens online doesn’t mean that in-person relationships don’t matter anymore – of course they do. It means we have an additional sphere of influence in our lives. Your mentors might include your boss and that podcast host you admire. Your daily feedback might come from your best friend and a LinkedIn connection who consistently comments on your posts. Our lives are a blend of offline and online interactions now, and they all contribute to our “average.”

One could argue that the “average of five” concept scales up with technology. Instead of five key people forming your average, you now have many micro-influences. Not all are equal – a closer connection or someone you interact with heavily will impact you more than a random celebrity you follow casually. But the principle remains: the inputs you consume shape your output (your thoughts, beliefs, actions). So if your Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn is filled with 25 people who are, say, smart, positive, and growth-oriented, those qualities will start to rub off on you, just as if they were your coworkers or friends you see every day.

Importantly, social media has introduced something new: parasocial relationships – these are one-sided relationships we develop with people we follow. You might feel you know a certain author or influencer because you read their words daily, even though they don’t know you. And these relationships can feel surprisingly real. They can motivate us (“What would do? They’d probably tackle this challenge instead of procrastinating.”) or provide comfort and guidance. It’s amazing that you can essentially choose a virtual mentor or an inspirational figure to be part of your daily life via your feed. In a way, you get to hand-pick some of the “average people” you want to emulate.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility. If you follow 25 toxic people, guess what influence you’re inviting in? The wrong mix can create an echo chamber of negativity or mediocrity. But the right mix can push you to learn, grow, and strive for more. The digital world has blown open the doors – you are no longer limited to the mindset of your small town or your single workplace. You can immerse yourself in the wisdom of brilliant scientists, the creativity of artists, the discipline of top athletes, or the entrepreneurship of business leaders, all at the tap of a finger. That is incredibly empowering, as long as you seize it intentionally.

Jim Rohn’s quote isn’t outdated; it just needs an update. Perhaps today it’s: “You are the average of the five people around you – and the twenty-five people you most engage with online.” The underlying message remains: choose your influences wisely.

Actionable Takeaways: Curate Your Feed for a Better You

So how do we actually use this knowledge to our advantage? It’s not about counting exactly 25 people on your feed; it’s about being mindful that what you consume will consume you. Here are some practical, actionable strategies to curate a social media experience that reinforces positive influence, productivity, and personal growth:

• Audit Your “Digital Inner Circle.” Take a look at the last day or two of your social media feeds. Who are the recurring characters? Do an honest vibe check on each: do their posts generally make you feel motivated, informed, and positive – or anxious, angry, and drained? Identify the top accounts or people that you spend the most time with online. You might be surprised – sometimes it’s not who you think. (That comedian you only kinda like might be dominating your feed with snarky takes, or that old acquaintance’s constant complaints might be seeping into your subconscious.) Make a list of which frequent voices are helping your mindset and which might be hurting it.
• Unfollow, Mute, or Limit Toxic Influences. Just as you’d set boundaries with a negative person in real life, you can do the same online. If an account you follow consistently sparks envy, rage, or pessimism, consider unfollowing or muting them. Life’s too short to let algorithm-curated strangers bring you down daily. Remember, you’re not obligated to follow everyone you once did – people’s content and your priorities change over time. Curating your feed is an act of self-care. Even if it’s a friend or relative who posts things that upset you, most platforms have “mute” or “hide” options that let you dial down their presence without full-on blocking. Use these tools liberally. Protect your mental space like you would your home – don’t let just anyone walk in and dump their trash there.
• Follow Inspiring and Educational Content Creators. Deliberately fill the void with positive influences. Think about your goals and values: Is it fitness? Follow a couple of trainers or everyday people who post encouraging workout content. Is it career growth? Connect with industry leaders who share tips or success stories. Want to be more optimistic? There are thought leaders and even meme pages dedicated to positivity and solutions. When you follow accounts that align with the person you want to become, their content serves as regular conditioning for your mind. It keeps your goals on the radar. One person I know subscribes to LinkedIn newsletters from productivity experts and says that seeing those articles pop up nudges him to stay organized and on track. Another friend filled her Instagram with financial educators and found herself gradually improving her money habits thanks to their daily tips. These might sound like small things, but recall the science: consistently seeing certain behaviors or attitudes will reinforce them in you (News feed: 'Emotional contagion' sweeps Facebook | Cornell Chronicle) ( A 61-million-person experiment in social influence and political mobilization - PMC ). Choose mentors and peers online who embody the mindset you strive for.
• Engage with Content That Uplifts or Informs. It’s not enough to passively follow good accounts; the magic of social media algorithms is that they learn from your interactions. If you want more of something, engage with it – like, comment, share or save posts that resonate with you. These actions tell the platform, “Show me more like this.” (And it works: for example, TikTok’s algorithm heavily bases recommendations on the posts you interact with (Everything You Need to Know About Social Media Algorithms | Sprout Social) – the same is true for Instagram’s explore page and Twitter’s timeline to an extent.) On the other hand, if something bothers you, scroll past it without engagement or use “See less of this” options. Over time, you’re training your digital feed. Think of it like watering the flowers, not the weeds. The more you engage with content that educates, inspires, or brings you joy, the more your feed will bloom with similar posts. It creates a virtuous cycle: you see good stuff, you feel good or learn something, you engage, and then you get more good stuff.
• Leverage Algorithms to Your Advantage. This may sound odd, because we often blame algorithms for what’s wrong with social media. But you can also hack the algorithm in your favor. Many platforms let you explicitly control some aspects of your feed. For example, LinkedIn allows you to signal “I’m not interested in this post” or unfollow a connection while staying connected (so their posts disappear). Facebook has options to “Snooze” someone for 30 days or prioritize certain friends. Twitter (X) lets you mute keywords. Use these features! Additionally, consider the timing and sources: If you want to see more content from a particular positive influence, visit their profile and engage, or add them to a special list if the platform allows. Some people even create a separate account or use bookmarking to curate a super-feed of exclusively positive/productive content for themselves. The bottom line is, algorithms are predictable – they feed you what they think you want. So teach them that you want uplifting, growth-oriented content by consuming that content actively. It’s like setting your diet preferences so the chef (algorithm) knows what to serve you.
• Balance Online and Offline Interactions. While we’re focusing on social media, let’s not forget the real world. The goal is to have alignment between your online influences and offline life. If you’re following a bunch of startup founders who energize you, also try to network or hang out with some entrepreneurial-minded friends in real life to reinforce that drive (or discuss the ideas you picked up online with your colleagues). And vice versa: if you have a great mentor at work, maybe follow them or similar professionals on LinkedIn to keep that inspiration going even when you’re at home. Blending the two worlds can create a supportive loop. Also, make sure to step away from the screen sometimes and practice the habits or ideas you’ve learned. Social media should be a springboard to action, not a substitute for it. Ultimately, habit change and personal growth happen in real life, but your online “tribe” can provide daily encouragement and accountability.
• Periodically Cleanse and Refresh Your Feed. Our interests and goals evolve, and so should our feeds. Every few months, take a moment to reflect: What do I want more of in my life right now? Then adjust who you follow accordingly. Maybe you’re entering a phase of focusing on mental health – seek out communities or experts on that topic. Or perhaps you realized you’ve been doomscrolling news and it’s spiking your anxiety – time to dial that down and add more humor or art to lighten things up. Don’t be afraid to unfollow even formerly inspiring accounts if they no longer serve you. Curating your social media is an ongoing process, not a one-time set-and-forget. Keep it intentional. By routinely weeding out the feeds that no longer reflect your aspirations and planting new seeds, you ensure that your digital environment stays aligned with where you want to go.

By following these steps, you effectively become the architect of your digital social circle. Instead of letting the loudest or most sensational voices win your attention by default, you choose who gets a seat at your table (or rather, on your timeline). This can transform social media from a source of mindless distraction or negative vibes into a tailored stream of motivation, learning, and genuine connection.

Conclusion: Be the Gatekeeper of Your Mindset

In a world where we can communicate across the globe in a second, the old boundaries of “influence” have expanded dramatically. The core lesson remains timeless: our surroundings shape us. Jim Rohn’s proverbial five people are as important as ever – it’s just that now, some of those people might be online. You might never meet them, but they can still challenge you to be better or, if you’re not careful, pull you in the wrong direction.

The exciting part is that you have more control than ever to select your influences. You are not stuck with only the mindset of the neighborhood you grew up in or the colleagues in your office. You can virtually surround yourself with thinkers, leaders, and friends who bring out your best. You can also distance yourself from the digital drama, cynicism, or shallow noise that doesn’t contribute to your growth.

By consciously curating the 25 (or whatever number) voices you hear most on social media, you take charge of your mental environment. Over time, those voices will shape your mindset, just as surely as close friends and family do. As research and experience show, the content we consistently consume influences our emotions, our decisions, and even our sense of identity (Social Media's Impact on Mental Health & Brain Function) (Attitudes toward algorithms used on social media | Pew Research Center). So choose content that mirrors the best version of you.

Next time you scroll through your feed, remember: it’s not “just social media.” It’s an influential part of your life. Make it a positive influence. Cultivate a feed that is basically an encouraging friend, a wise mentor, and a skilled teacher all rolled into one. Be deliberate about who gets your attention and for how long.

In the end, “You are the average of your influences” – both offline and online. Make those influences count. With a bit of mindful curation, your social media can become a powerful tool that works for you, not against you, in building the mindset, habits, and life you desire. And who knows – by setting this example, you might become one of the positive influences in someone else’s top 25 feed, paying it forward in the digital age.

Need to hire? We can help! This article was written by Benjamin Mena who is a Managing Partner of Select Source Solutions which is a boutique executive recruitment firm specializing in Data Science, Cloud, Cyber Security, Talent Acquisition, and Government Contracting.

If you’d like to have a conversation about employee retention, growing your team, or hiring plans for the rest of the year, please get in touch! Benjamin@selectsourcesolutions.com

If you are a recruiter, join me on upcoming episodes of the Elite Recruiter Podcast on Apple or Spotify!